Daily NhanSense – Day 19

Daily NhanSense: Every day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 19’s Topic: Social anxiety.

There is a contradicting aspect that I live with every day – I am a guy who suffers/has social anxiety, but yet I am someone who does enjoy social interactions. This strange paradox can certainly explain why I am such a conflicted person when it comes to friendships and having acquaintances.

Simply put, being a shy person, a shy guy at that, is a disadvantage. I won’t sugarcoat or label it as anything else than what it is.

Do you want to know what kind of person often gets ahead in life? The outgoing personalities.

It’s hard to deny. After all, individuals who can just bite the bullet and just roll with just about every social situation they come across: be it random conversations, asking the person they like out, job interviews, etc. …

Well, it’s pretty obvious why these guys and gals can come out ahead in this complex and intricate game called life. They naturally can overcome the fear aspect that halts someone like me, who can become stricken with a sense of bashfulness at the drop of a dime unfortunately.

Nonetheless, it’s just something I have to live with, mainly because I absolutely refuse to take any form of medication of that sort to mask, and I do stress the word mask, these kind of emotions.

The person who doesn’t feel this nervous in regular situations would be like, “Oh, just don’t be shy!”

Yeah, easier said than done.

Why, maybe I will just tell fire to stop being hot? How about I just try to tell water to stop being wet?

It’s just who I am. A shy person. OK, not true. I am an extremely shy person.

Of course, I am not going to claim I can’t take my share of steps to tone down some of this social anxiety. For example, I am really hesitant to introduce myself to strangers. To combat this, I literally have to treat each introduction as an event/ordeal within itself.

It sounds like I am making a big deal out of nothing, but yeah …

Basically, it says a lot when I open myself up around others. When I get to a point where I drop my perpetual guard down and step out of my shell while being relaxed and calm, it’s a type of trust that I don’t give to others without some reluctance.

With all due respect, it’s not other people who are the problem in this regard. I will admit it’s just me being difficult.

A lot of people have come and gone out of my life. I was never a loner growing up as a child. I had my share of friends, but, again, one could say they had to fit a certain mold to let a dork like me into their circle.

Or maybe it was because some people could learn to tolerate and get used to me once my quirks settled in …

I always liked to think I was a nice kid when people got to know me. I try to be respectful to others.

Ultimately, a personal goal of mine is to stop being so darn shy and open up around more people. I do like interacting with others, so maybe it’s more about finding the right type of individuals who can accept me for who I am.

It’s never a cakewalk, but rather it’s a struggle for me each day in this regard. You get days where you want to feel like Mr. Sociable. Conversely, you get days where you don’t even want to leave the house. There is so much back and forth. No real consistency.

Will I ever conquer this social anxiety? Deep down, I know I have to try at least for my own sake.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction


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