Daily NhanSense – Day 30

Daily NhanSense: Every day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 30’s Topic: Loneliness.

Having anti-social tendencies sucks, mainly when the feeling of loneliness starts creeping into your soul.

I understand myself. It’s in my nature. I have a lot of days where I just want my own space, to do my own thing, to be alone, but then there are other times where I yearn for some social contact.

It’s almost an everyday coin toss in this regard, and I never know what I will feel like throughout the week. I wish I could compromise with my anxiety and go like 50/50 with it, but that’s a lot of wishful thinking.

Like today, for instance, I just want to trap myself in my own personal bubble. I don’t want to be around people, but I kind of have to.

As a result, I create an awkward bind where I feel anxious about being near others, but I’m compelled to do so and thus I am going to feel all kinds of strange for the rest of the day.

Talk about a lot of conflicted feelings. Sheesh.

But I will say this. When loneliness does rear its head on those certain days, it comes at me hard. It’s probably one of the worst feelings in the world for me.

Mind you, I have always been someone who has problems making or maintaining friends, but it’s more that I think it’s ample time for me to start meeting some new ones.

When you graduate from grade school and then finally college, places where you are going to develop bonds with all kinds of people naturally for many years, it’s to be expected when everyone parts their respective ways that you do the same yourself.

Some individuals stick around, while others will probably forget about you as time goes on. And this is all just part of life.

I have had to accept this fact the hard way for quite awhile. It really gets to me, but on the other hand it’s all necessary.

It’s not like I am going to stay in contact with literally everyone who has ever acknowledged me as a person. And quite frankly, I don’t think I care enough to invest that much effort in doing so either from my end.

Basically, you could probably say I am very conflicted when it comes to wanting the company of others and then being so darn isolated that I might as well be tossed onto a deserted island all by myself.

Ultimately, however, I guess I do hate feeling so alone on those specific days where even having someone to talk to is a nice change of pace, even absolutely necessary, for my well-being.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction


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