Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.
Day 17’s Topic: Exhaustion.
I am exhausted. Just so darn, terribly exhausted.
Each day, I can tell my body is running out of gas, using up all the inner fuel from the tank as I try to squeak by on what’s left in reserve. Aside from not eating right (there are days where I just consume one junk food-filled meal, and that’s it), I am not sleeping well either. Combined together, I know I am setting myself for a big breakdown at this rate.
Not good. Nope. Definitely not good at all.
From the outside looking in, perhaps people would be quick to say, “Gosh, Nhan, you sure like punishing yourself.”
And to that, I have to say that they’re wrong. It’s not like I am a masochist or anything because that would imply I like seeing myself punished in this manner, day in and day out. Instead, I guess I would rather perceive it as me paying the price in a sense, and until I am content with “learning the hard way,” the pain train isn’t going to stop heading my direction anytime soon.
Time to brace for impact, I suppose, but perhaps I’ll emerge from the rubble a new and improved person who can overcome any form of adversity and then some! I hope …
What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right? We all hear this saying a lot. But in the past few months, I have certainly taken my share of the lumps. It’s like I am my own mental-emotional-physical punching bag. And who is the one who keeps volunteering himself over and over again for another helping of a self-beatdown?
If you guessed me, you’re right.
Right on the money!
Will I ever be able to stop putting myself through the ringer? Is it me being a tough guy? Am I just too hard on myself? It just feels like the more pressure life puts on me, the easier it would be to throw in the towel, to concede and just say “I’m done” to it all.
But surrendering is never the option. It would be the utmost, least-desirable option for someone in my circumstances.
Again, I am incredibly exhausted by it all. And yet, here I am. I have to persevere. I have to muster up every ounce of courage I can find within myself to hang in there, even if it entails me barely able to get through on especially grueling days.
Because, trust me, there have been plenty of days, weeks even, where I just feel like I want to crawl into bed and say “Screw it,” but what will this accomplish? I can’t possibly move forward and uncover any semblance of solutions while hiding under the covers. It’s not like the world is going to change around me magically when I wake up.
No way. The world isn’t going to do that. You have to be the change, the catalyst, the driving force, in your own environment, after all.
So despite the exhaustion, despite how much my body wants to call it quits on me, I have to be wide awake to find something to live for in trying times. No normal person overcomes any obstacle in front of them by sleeping on it. That’s a given.
“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction