Everyday NhanSense – Day 20

New Anime Girl
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 20’s Topic: New Year’s resolution.
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Hello there. I hope everyone had a pleasant New Year’s celebration.

I wasn’t particularly feeling well, and I so had to default to a lame, quiet evening of just trying to hang in there. Typical, oh so typical, shut-in behavior.

I’ve been an emotional wreck for this past week, just really on edge in my own ways and I have taken it upon myself to declare this New Year’s resolution as a result …

CUT DOWN ON THE NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE THAT I ALWAYS CREATE FOR MYSELF.

This is an ambiguous resolution, almost a cop-out as some would call it, but it is something constantly looming on the back of my mind. I am my own worst enemy. Bar none. I continue to make situations difficult, whether it’s day or night, regardless of what time of the year it is.

If I could somehow make the “negative version” appear right in front of me, I would punch him right in the nose for making me feel so miserable when I am just trying to find ways to be upbeat and optimistic.

I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I am dying on the inside when I know I am more or less OK in a technical sense. I dread the next time I have to wade through the muck that is my emotional and mental well-being.

Everything constantly weighs down on me, everything always seems to be in shambles, but I continue to fight on. I have no choice and all. It’s either I keep battling through this negativity or I lose.

And I just hate losing. I loathe the “L” word with a passion.

Life is such a results-driven game if you really think about it. More often than not, it’s the people with the winning attitudes who can make their way to the top, right? Or maybe it’s just me being overly weary about not eeking out more victories here and there …

Nonetheless, this New Year’s resolution of mine may not be something straightforward like promising myself to stop saying curse words or anything like that, but it’s something I have meant to do for a long time,

On a given day, I can experience a lot of self-created negativity on so many levels. Doubt, fear, despair … just all of those dark thoughts you shouldn’t let dictate or cloud your mind, but it’s all so commonplace for me when everything around me seems to be crumbling, piece by piece.

Ultimately, I have to toughen up and look for the positive elements in my life. If not that, I’ll just have to create new forms of positive outlets to keep me going.

But anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

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