Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.
Day 44’s Topic: Anger.
Despite all the upside and happy moments as of late, I guess I can’t help but realize I have a bit of anger lingering in my soul. It’s unpleasant, it feels like I am burning up on the inside and the emotional aspect hurts. It outright hurts.
I don’t like being angry. I don’t like being that angry person in the room. Today, I literally yelled out of frustration, like I have been saving it in for too long and it needed to be let loose.
In this sense, anger is something I need to cut out of my life. It’s poison, unhealthy and just damaging to my well-being.
Who in their right mind wants to be angry? Why be mad when you can be glad instead?
That’s right. If you can be happy, you should be. And yet, sometimes, it’s basically unavoidable. Anger just randomly bursts out of me sometimes, catching me off-guard and forcing me to calm the heck down before it gets out of hand.
It’s the No. 1 emotion I am wary of as someone with mood swings. I have seen what anger can do to my father, a person who has struggled with mood swings, especially in regards to containing his anger throughout my whole childhood and then some. So it’s an everyday struggle to keep things from blowing the lid right off, and there are some days I feel like I barely manage to do even this …
I have learned a lot about self-control over the years. A lot of my personal methods aren’t complicated. I just bottle it all up, and then I hope I can find some kind of ideal outlet to release the excess emotions into before I get too overwhelmed.
Taking a walk.
Just anything and everything within reason.
I refuse to take pills for this. I know I can be a chemically imbalanced wreck on some days of the week, but I have to tough it out and find some sense of inner serenity. When I let anger take over, I stop thinking logically. I let the nonsensical feelings attempt to dictate my state of mind.
Again, not very healthy. It all hurts, too.
That’s the thing about it. When I find myself raging like a lunatic, some deranged lunatic looking for attention, I would beat the crap out myself and say shut up if I could.
It can get that bad.
Nonetheless, at the end of the day, I have to remember that everything will be OK. Life is coming together, so I shouldn’t have so many reasons to feel so angry.
I have to be cool as a cucumber when I feel like exploding like a bomb.
“Get good. Be better” – Nhan Fiction