Everyday NhanSense – Day 73

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 73’s Topic: Tantrums.
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Let’s just say I am no stranger when it comes to being pulled aside for “talks” about how I behave. Today at work, I had just one of such incidents. And rightfully so, I deserved it.

My mood swings got particularly out of hand, reaching a point where I almost lost complete and utter control over the whole shebang.

It started over something simple. I was sent over to the dish pit even though I can already hold my own at the assistant cook position. I already understand this particular restaurant’s line system pretty well, but they are training another guy, you see.

At some point, he and I are going to be working side by side on the line.

Anyway, I got annoyed. To me, there is no real excitement at the dish pit. Yeah, it’s an important and crucial job for any restaurant, but I feel like i have lost most of my patience with the position. It’s simply no fun when I rather be doing the line and getting people’s orders finished and whatnot.

Things just went from a little bad to way worse over time as the lunch shift played out, as I just started to lose a bit more and more control of my mood swings. And then, I hit my hand on something and that’s when I really lost it.

I suppose it’s because the nerves in fingers and toes are way more sensitive than many other parts on the body. The pain was sharp, aggravating and overall just distracting. And from this point onward, I started to succumb to my frustrations.

I fell behind in my dish pit, which is something, I have to add, that I never usually do when I am on my A-Game from start to finish at this station.

I started to bang my fist against the sink counter out of frustration, I scowled at my coworkers in a rude manner and tone when I was asked to do simple things, so I could tell I was slowly turning into the monster I have to keep locked in the mental cage every single day.

Before long, my boss had to pull me away and we talked outside about how I was feeling.

I had already told him various times that I do in fact have mood swings, and that they are not a joke. I don’t say the two words to say I have it. I actually do have the condition, and they affect me in everyday life. I can’t just turn them off. I have to control them, otherwise things go south and fast.

On top of that, I came clean with how I was feeling about the whole situation, especially in regards to working the dish pit. I can dish wash better than most people when I feel like it, but I didn’t set out to be an ace dishwasher.

I want to be a great chef. I want to be competent and awesome at cooking.

I just let my boss know about how I wanted to be elevated completely to a line position and away from the bubbles of the dish pit sink.

Is it all too unreasonable for me to request?

I show up to work always on time. I am never late. I do what I am told to do and then some. I have the work ethic and ideal mentality to help out wherever I see fit.

I am by all means a team player. However, I guess today was one of those days where I didn’t want to stand there and wash dishes all day.

I don’t get excited by dishes. I’d rather be plating food I cooked with them instead.

I want to replace the dish scrub with a cooking ladle.

Sure, being a chef isn’t my ultimate ambition in life, but it’s what I want to do at this very instance in my existence.

Anyway, my boss is a really understanding guy. So he listened to what I had to say, and he basically just said I have to be a bit more patient until we can fix our understaffed kitchen with some new bodies during the upcoming week or so.

At the same time, he said he appreciated my work ethic and said I was already further along than what was expected of me.

We had a good talk for about 20 or 30 minutes or so. I don’t know. It was good just to get things off my chest. My boss saved me from poverty with this job, a means to escape the clutches and depressing feelings of unemployment, so I always make an effort to show up and bust tail whenever I step foot at the restaurant.

Today was certainly a bad day, but it was great I could just be able to walk back into the restaurant with my boss and understand that things will be OK. I just had an outburst. By all means, I shouldn’t have to feel like I always under a pressure cooker.

The short story – my time will come to move up. And soon. I shouldn’t feel so rushed to advance when I have already made it abundantly clear I am more than qualified to get bumped up on the depth chart.

But I digress. Mood swings are really troublesome, and days like today prove the case. I often can cope with my emotions, bag them up and toss them aside upstairs in my mind, but there are moments where I lose too much focus for whatever reason and just mentally implode, causing everything to come out.

Thankfully, I only showcased a “mild” version of what an angry me looks like. Believe me. No one wants to see the truly mad me come out from hiding. I scare myself, like I really scare the heck out of myself, when I go 100 percent angry mode.

Meh, nonetheless, today was a day that taught me stuff about myself.

My mood swings are … complex. Quite complex. To say the least.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. A chance for redemption. A chance to prove myself.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

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5 thoughts on “Everyday NhanSense – Day 73

  1. talesbytink February 24, 2015 / 3:46 am

    Fantastic that you have a boss who is so understanding and appreciative. And great that you are so on to your own mental health without taking a victim stance about it all. I really enjoyed your post and feel a lot of empathy for you and your position. You write really well as well. It’s difficult to write about oneself particularly the not so nice parts of oneself but you do it with honesty and in a way that invites us in to care about your journey. By the way I wait in a restaurant and am always thankful for the dishie and do my best to clear and stack my plates and help keep the area functioning. Absolutely right that it’s essential and too many people treat the dishie like crap. A thank you and a team attitude go a long way and obviously your boss has noticed the work you do. You are so lucky to have the work place that you do and also the nous to recognise it for yourself. It’s never about how easy our lives are – it’s always about how we deal with what gets slung our way. I’d say you are on the admirable end of the scale.

    Like

    • Nhan Fiction February 25, 2015 / 12:52 am

      I am slowly being moved up the ranks regardless. But I know I can definitely do the job. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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