Everyday NhanSense – Day 78

Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 78’s Topic: Understanding.
Lately, I have had the urge to be more open about my random problems I deal with on a daily basis. In particular, I have found myself often telling others I have the serious kind of mood swings, which affect me by constantly messing with my emotions in an unpredictable manner.

In a sense, perhaps I am wanting more understanding about what I attempt to keep well under control every day, every hour and probably until my last breath.

But that’s OK. I don’t expect modern medicine to develop a complete “cure” for mood swings or anything like that in the near future. Medication exists to balance out the mood, but I don’t want to partake in such a pill-popping commitment. There are more pressing illnesses out there like cancer that need more attention.

Mood swings, ultimately, can just make things a bit erratic, so to speak. I can be happy one minute and then feel completely sad the next, as an example.

Not the end of the world. However, I do in fact wish there were days I could just let my emotions run the proper and natural gamut without me needing to … pretend that I am a normal person?

And that’s the thing. I know I am not normal like others, though I don’t really want to imply it’s that much of a handicap.

Like, you see, if I were in a wheelchair, it would be easy for others to understand that something isn’t quite the same with me. With mood swings, combined with my nerdy and social awkwardness on top of it, everything projects the wrong kind of things I should be showcasing about my personality.

As an example I am constantly bitter about, interviews have been my bane for my entire existence. I hate interviews. Now mind you, a lot of the loathing comes from being naturally shy. Not to mention, interviews are not kind to those with social anxiety and whatnot.

Sprinkle in some mood swings on top of it as another layer and what results is … a mess.

Many times in my life, I have been perceived as weak, incompetent and a bunch of other things because of my (strange) social tendencies, mood swings or not.

Part of me, deep down, would want a world that’s more accepting to people like me, but that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction


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