Everyday NhanSense – Day 110


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 110’s Topic: A roller coaster of emotions.
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Today was just one of those days where I had to experience the ill effects of my prominent mood swings.

I used to be very hush-hush about my mood swings, pretending they weren’t such a big deal. In reality, they affect me for better or for worse each day in some degree. There are no patterns to follow. There is no real way of me knowing what’s going to be felt emotionally for a given day. It’s all very random.

I can be happy one second, completely mad the next and something else in between just a mere moment afterward.

What a roller coaster of emotions.

In fact, these mood swings of mine create so many inconsistencies in my life. I wish I could be one thing, but I just can’t be. The ride is up and down, sideways with some loops thrown into the mix.

Perhaps I would be more content with life knowing that my own emotional track was something more simple and straightforward by design, but instead I must deal with something so absurdly random that it bothers the heck out of me to no end.

Sigh.

I feel constantly strapped in and trapped in this mood-swinging ride. And I don’t even think I can ever escape it without something drastic, such as daily medicine, something which I refuse to do because I don’t want to live my life under the effects of drugs, not knowing what’s me and the pills doing their thing.

I attempt to practice a lot of self-control, but this has its limits.

I attempt to find outlets to release some of the negative stuff away, but I never can get rid of enough. Apparently.

I know there will come points where my mood swings will create conflicts for me. I know there will be points where I wish more understanding can be shown for this condition of mine.

People are so sympathetic toward others with visible disabilities. If I couldn’t walk and had to roll around in a wheelchair, people know what’s wrong with me.

With mood swings, I deal with misunderstandings. I deal with people not knowing what emotion is trying to claw its way to the surface versus what’s being shown on the outside.

Mixed signals.

Confused reactions.

A whole lot of problems, I have to say.

This mood-swinging ride is a crazy and wild one, don’t you think?

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

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