Everyday NhanSense – Day 111

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 111’s Topic: Figuring out what’s truly precious in life.
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I had a lot to think about in the past few days. No scratch that. It was a real turning point, something that grew into a huge epiphany I had to come to grips with in regards to my “weakness.” In a nutshell, my mood swings almost got me fired from my job. My emotions turned that vile enough to warrant a talk with my boss before my all-day shift on Wednesday.

He said he was going to fire me as soon as he walked through the door, but after talking it out with me, he instead opted to let me off for the day so we could both think about our priorities for the restaurant.

Gosh, this sure hurt.

Well, I am not going to sugarcoat, nor will I condone, my actions on the bad night in question. I was simply out of line. That happened to be a night where I let the meaner side (I say meaner because, quite frankly, it was maybe just a 2 out of 5 about how vicious I can really get …) leak out past the surface.

I was moody. I was unpleasant. I was just someone you didn’t want to be around, let alone attempt to work with during the heat of a busy dinner rush where everyone was already on edge from how packed the place was outside on the dining floor.

I was weak and allowed the pressure of the night get to me. I shouldn’t have. It was tough for everyone at the restaurant. I have honestly been through a lot worse in terms of volume and speed, yet my composure crumbled. My sense of control faltered when I needed to tighten the valve even more before I blew a gasket.

It led to me snapping at coworkers and slamming things around me. My actions were inappropriate. My attitude was not acceptable under any circumstances.

So when I was literally on the verge of being fired, I had to rethink my priorities again.

I had to talk it out with people. Heck, I literally even spoke with a pastor for hours about this whole situation.

I am someone who has had to experience A LOT of unemployment at my worst moments in life. It’s a toxic, self-destructive feeling when you don’t have work. But in a sense, this situation was different.

Yes, the prospect of not having a job had to be considered. If I were anyone else, I would have been canned for that lousy shift that left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. But I didn’t like the thought of leaving on such a note. I didn’t want the last impression to be linked to a disastrous night where I should have been more capable of taking care of my own problems.

Sure, I could have walked away from this restaurant and then move on with my life in this town. I even dragged up Craigslist and peeked at what job openings were being advertised in local restaurants.

However, I didn’t feel comfortable with such a thought. I didn’t want to restart and reset my situation again. I definitely have the confidence to find another job again, but I didn’t want to leave this particular restaurant.

The people at this restaurant have touched my heart. I don’t want to work for another place when I believe so strongly in this business.

It’s not about the money in this regard. I wasn’t working at this restaurant to get rich or anything like that. I never woke up with a sense of dread about completing a shift. I kept coming back to this place out of genuine passion, the willingness to do what I can, for this company.

This is what got me to wake up each day. This is what motivated me to push myself to improve individually and grow as a person. I say the two words, “bust tail,” a lot as my own way of describing hard work.

And believe me – I have busted a lot of tail over the years, but I want to bust tail for this particular restaurant with all I got.

So yeah, when everything was laid out in front of me, when it came down to me essentially fighting for my job again, I just said what had to be said – the truth.

I sat down and discussed with my boss with complete earnest about the situation, apologized for putting him in such a spot where he had to make an awkward decision about my future for this place and there was all there was to it.

Long story short, I still have a job there at the place. Thank goodness!

I apologized to everyone about my crummy attitude, and let’s just say I have been incredibly humbled about this whole ordeal.

We all take things for granted. I admit I was growing a tad complacent at the restaurant in some regards. Complacent about just working and all. I let my guard down just a bit and boom! My mood swings got the best of me.

I know mood swings are just something I live with each day. They can lead to a lot of disruptive behavior if I am not careful. But ultimately, I just have to be a better person to prevent more outbursts down the road to the best of my ability.

When I came that close to losing a job I actually care about, it just makes me want to seek out some kind of reasonable solution to protect that which is precious to me in my life. I don’t want to jeopardize the good parts to my name, regardless of the bad stuff that keeps making its way toward my direction.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

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