The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
It’s out there somewhere. At some point, I know I will find that “happy horizon” I keep picturing in my mind.
This happy horizon will be the epitome of everything in life I have always wanted, just that one point where life is perfect for me.
It’s something that has eluded me for so many years. Five years ago, I let myself slip into despair, lost track of my goals and then fell into a downward spiral.
I was by all means at the lowest points in my life, but now I continue to go day-by-day with the notion that I will bounce back completely and turn everything around if I play my cards right. It hasn’t been a walk in the park by any means for someone like me. If anything, I’ve met with my share of disaster here and there as I began to discover elements about myself.
I am a flawed, troubled person in lots of facets. I was extremely weak when all of these nasty problems occurred at the beginning.
All of these areas became damaged in some fashion when my life began to crumble apart piece-by-piece.
I was some lowly person who couldn’t land a “simple” job to sustain himself, let alone attain a professional job in the field of my interest after graduating college. This really put a damper on my self-esteem.
I clung to some hope that I would stumble my way to my dreams, but this was a foolish ideal. This was something I couldn’t solve magically in one go. It would take time.
Lots of time in fact.
As I write this, I am still trying to sort it all out.
But I am a better person because of all of my personal trials and ordeals. I am a stronger person because I toughened up when the circumstances forced me into another perpetual corner of self-defeating thoughts.
Most importantly of all, I became less susceptible to the emotional crap that would bog me down along the way. I am human, however. I have not become impervious to the emotional backlash we all have to face when trying to look at anything discouraging comes before us.
Instead, I have learned to perceive it as another challenge, as another obstacle one has to overcome if any forward progress can be made.
I try to encourage myself to keep looking for any sort of optimism to cling to, any shred of “It will be OK” to keep me motivated. Someday, I know I’ll find that happy horizon.
Of course, hopes and dreams are good and all, but they don’t pay the bills by themselves. Money is a big factor in all of this.
I work a normal job at the moment to keep the money flowing in so I don’t die from starvation. It’s how I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge and electricity for my computer to blog and whatnot.
But everything always seems so dang exhausting. I don’t want to sound like I am whining or anything. Trust me. I have been through my share of long-term unemployment. I was essentially babied because I couldn’t take care of myself.
Do you know what it’s like to ask for money when you’re supposedly a grown adult? It’s one of the most embarrassing things in the world.
Seriously. Post-graduation, and I had to ask mommy and daddy for cash to go buy some snacks at the store. Man, I was such a wimp!
As such, being in this situation where I do make enough money to sustain myself is by far the superior alternative. Granted, it doesn’t mean I have a lot of extra dollars in the bank account to boast or anything like that.
I find myself bringing up a certain phrase when I talk with people as of late.
“I am surviving, but I am not thriving.”
It’s definitely how I feel to a T.
Sure, anyone can make enough money just to keep their heads above water. However, shouldn’t we all strive to go above it all? Shouldn’t we attempt to go as high as possible in life?
It’s great I have a job. It’s great I can earn my own money, and then I can proceed to go pay for and buy what needs to be bought with said money. Then again, I am not making a lot to save any worthwhile amount. I am just getting by when I should be focusing on getting ahead of the game.
Aside from the obvious option of getting more part-time jobs, I don’t really have a lot of feasible alternatives at the moment outside of doing something outside the box.
Without a car, for instance, it would make it hard to drive around from one job to the next to pull off the multi-job route. Because of all of this, I think it’s time I aggressively search for my happy horizon. It’s out there. I know it’s out there for sure.
I have to try harder to reach that destination sooner rather than later. If I want my personal paradise, I am the only one who can make it happen.
“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction