The 54th Deadline: For every success, for every botch, life will always give you many opportunities.
There are those days where I wonder what would have happened if I played my cards differently.
Hindsight, after all, is always going to outline the “superior” approach, at least on paper. That’s a given. I am someone who is extremely guilty of letting himself be constantly stuck in the past in some fashion. Part of me knows I should just let go of the various, and often painful, memories that continue to haunt me. I wish it could be that simple.
I wonder what price I would pay if I could just wipe and erase those particular awful feelings once and for all. Like, poof! No more. Gone. History.
That would be so delightful. Just absolutely wonderful.
Literally years after all of the bad stuff has since done its damage, it’s like some of these particular wounds will never fully heal. Or so I think.
Water under the bridge. What’s done is done. Right? However, no matter how hard I try to forget, no matter how much I want bygones to be simply bygones …
Here I am. In the present.
Still sulking. Still hurting, like the metaphorical knives are still in my back. I don’t want to sound dramatic for the mere sake of it. Far from it. At the end of the day, I realize who I am. I realize I am who I am because of all that has happened to me and then some.
Ugh, it’s so darn difficult to steer my thoughts away from the negative. There have been just as many positive, meaningful events over the years as well! It hasn’t been all bad, but I suppose there is a part of me who wants things to be even better.
Is it wrong of me to think this way? Is it ever incorrect to desire more and more out of life? Otherwise, I would just feel like I am spinning my wheels in place.
Then again, progress has definitely been made.
Toward what? Only the universe truly knows the ultimate answer.
“RTN – REMEMBER THE NAME!” – Nhan Fiction