The 54th Deadline: Stalled Countdown

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The 54th Deadline: For every success, for every botch, life will always give you many opportunities.
As I write this, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I can’t quite seem to let it all out.

It’s one particularly odd thing about my personal “depression” from the get-go – I haven’t been really able to cry. I feel like I have kept a lot of inner turmoil inside, and it has just been building up and building up, but it just can’t seem to find its way out of my system.

It’s wimpy to admit it, but I guess deep down I want to bawl my eyes out. I really force myself, but it’s not working. And hence, I believe a lot of my hopes and dreams have stalled this countdown in life. I know the launch has been on hold for so long.

I should have blasted off toward “greatness” by now, but something keeps finding its way into my life to delay it even further. Am I making excuses? Am I being irrational?

JUST WHAT IS IT? What’s wrong? Why can’t I just get a clear answer from the universe?

I make so many small strides, but I never can’t go the complete distance to reach that next threshold. It’s always some kind of forward progress, but how much more forward progress do I need to get through?

Perhaps at this point, I feel exhausted and impatient with it all. After all, it’s been five years and counting. Fives years of ups and downs. Five years mixed with misery and happiness.

Sigh, depression is a real drag to overcome, don’t you think? don’t want to make further excuses. I don’t want to keep dreaming of what needs to be done. I know I should already do it.

But why do I hesitate? Why do I struggle so much with getting things off the ground?

It feels like there is a “blankness” within me, just a void that is the key to me escaping my rut completely. However, I don’t know what it’s missing.

I need to solve this mystery from within soon. I definitely need to.

“RTN – REMEMBER THE NAME!” – Nhan Fiction



2 thoughts on “The 54th Deadline: Stalled Countdown

  1. John Wick August 31, 2015 / 3:53 am

    Same shit every fucking post boo hoo you’re depressed stop being a pussy


  2. pattidonofrio August 31, 2015 / 1:30 pm

    Remember that life is a journey, not a destination. You are living your journey and are probably so much more aware than most people are of their own. John Wick may have a very simple life, or be a very simple person…just saying.


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