The 54th Deadline: I find the challenge in life is realizing how wonderful it really is at times.
Hi there. It’s me again.
I actually just got my computer back from the shop. Luckily, it wasn’t anything serious. The power supply broke down and had to be replaced. Regardless, not having my main computer for a while naturally forced me into a situation where I couldn’t work on my side projects directly while this computer was being fixed.
My main concern was whether the main files were lost, but that worry has gone away. It’s back to business. But what does that mean?
I have reached a point where I am somewhat disappointed with myself. I just feel like I am dawdling when so much progress could have been made, but alas things aren’t that easy for someone like me. Heck, it took literally years before I reclaimed my sense of independence, at least in terms of just moving out and living on my own.
You know. Adult decisions.
Buying my own groceries.
Paying my rent.
Realizing I need to buy those random products such as toothpaste or garbage bags when I start running out.
They’re the little things you overlook when you’re living with mommy and daddy. I should know firsthand. There was a point where I do believe I lost a lot of my mental maturity (at least it has felt like that) after staying at home, living rent-free and just essentially acting like an overgrown kid who couldn’t take care of himself.
That was certainly a rough time for me. I didn’t know if I could ever snap out of it. I didn’t know if I would be able to pick up the pieces when my confidence shattered all over the place.
I lost myself. I lost friends. I gained weight. I lost a lot of time just trying to “heal” something that couldn’t be cured in a day.
Simply put, it sucked. It sucked being an unemployed, naive college grad with a lot to prove.
I hated myself back then, but nowadays I probably just pity that weaker version of me for not having the gumption to overcome that kind of setback.
However, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am right now without going through that pain and misery. In a way, it was all a necessary, though unpleasant, experience. It just took a long time before the message sunk in so I could grow and learn from it all. And I am still learning. That’s the interesting part about this whole journey.
You just need to keep learning. You need to keep soaking up more knowledge until everything makes sense. I definitely want to make sure my life ends up a different story, in a good way, of course.
It’s something crucial I have accepted recently.
My life at this very stage, at this moment in time, hasn’t turned out the way I envisioned.
Ultimately, that’s all right.
It’s fine and dandy.
The me from just five years ago would not have accepted this, but that me didn’t know that things were going to turn out like this. In hindsight, sure, I could have approached everything completely differently.
I could have been more on top of looking for contacts, references, I could have been more diligent building up “clips” for the places I wanted to send resumes to and so forth.
I could have done a million things differently. But I didn’t.
Again, it’s not the end of the world. In fact, I do like how some things have unfolded over the years as I begin to understand myself better.
The story doesn’t stop unless I do. No matter how many chapters it takes, I just have to keep seeing how this all plays out. I should just enjoy the ride, quite frankly.
For me to move on with my life, for me to write this life story the way I want to, the next chapter truly begins now.
“RTN – REMEMBER THE NAME!” – Nhan Fiction