The 54th Deadline: A Particular Feeling

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The 54th Deadline: Sometimes, an “urge” just prompts you to take action.  It’s powerful.


It returns.

I think it’s about time I came up my own name for it.

An urge.

A feeling.

A spark.

Whatever it is, it’s something I cannot ignore. And I’d be a fool if I ever did. The fact is, without this gut instinct, I would have been sunk a long time ago. When you’re literally flirting with losing it all and hanging on for dear life, you need something to compel you forward to tough it out just a bit further.

And I am glad I did choose the scarier option of seeing what the unknown had to offer versus just throwing in the imminent white towel.

I realize I may come off as talking in almost circles about this recurring scenario/ordeal in my past, but it’s been apparent how vital and essential it has been toward sending me in this particular direction.

On some days, I want to call it destiny. I could say it’s in God’s hands. Whatever it may be, everything has been set in motion. I’ve just been along for the ride this whole time.

With that said, I think I need to react accordingly to this particular feeling. It hasn’t steered me wrong yet. Why would it do it now?
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Anyway, I do believe the reason why I am experiencing this particular feeling again stems from how everything in my life moves along, but I can admit it’s too snail-like in pace by all means.

Things are moving forward, which is always a good thing. It’s better that every little bit of progress occurs. Still, I do always worry if I am just chugging along versus rocketing my way to the next logical checkpoint.

I do have to blame myself partially for this. It’s up to me whether certain things get done in a timely fashion. I keep feeling like I have let myself down in some regards.

I have had various inklings, so many ideas, various projects that aren’t developing as smoothly as I would like and a lot of it boils down to the same lines I keep repeating.

I SURVIVE, but I don’t THRIVE.

It’s been an ongoing theme for the past year for me. I manage to do enough to coast along so my head’s above water, but I am not doing so comfortably where I can divert my attention toward other aspects, at least with enough moxie and polish that would be deemed worthwhile.

Granted, it’s the nature of life for a lot of regular people. It’s a LUXURY to have the means and freedom to do what you want when you want to. Yes, it’s a luxury.

A lot of people have to do the 9-to-5 thing to keep food on the table. I don’t have to do this at this stage in the game for me, but I can see why a lot of people naturally shy away from their dreams as time carries on.

It’s not a rut per se, but I would label it more as a shift in priorities. You have to prioritize where you can invest your passion into something, no matter what it is.

If everyone out there could magically have all the time in the world, without any other obligation demanding their attention, I’d bet that we all could achieve quite a bit. No, that’s an understatement. We ALL would achieve so much.

Nonetheless, this particular feeling doesn’t lie.

I have been dillydallying too much. I have been not putting in the work when I have had the chances to chip away at it. I need to think of the side stuff as a bunch of assignments with no real deadline. However, the more I buckle down and just spend some of my energy into stuff I want to believe in, I think I’ll be better off than just doing the bare minimum.

This particular feeling makes its presence known. I pay attention. Simple as that.

“RTN!” – Nhan Fiction

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