Note: I am debating as to whether I should keep this random line box in future posts. It was just something I did a long time ago to separate the first picture and the body of the blog post’s text, but I don’t know if I should keep making it.
The 54th Deadline: Rest is just a necessary step toward recovering for another day.
Hi. I hope the holidays have been going well for you all.
For me, I haven’t had much rest, but that’s the nature of things for the time being.
Work, work, work. Oh yeah, more work on top of that. And not much for anything else in between.
It is something I do find a tad depressing about my current circumstances. I hardly get that much time to rest up when it is required. I keep soldiering through it, but I know my well-being can only put up with so much. Still, I have learned to persevere. Well, it’s more like I have forced myself to persevere, if I had to be completely honest.
I say this not out of dread, but understanding, that it’s all part of this ongoing process.
And as the story goes, I found cooking years ago and had to reinvent myself by learning how to handle the literal heat and nuances of being a helper/cook in a kitchen. My resolve was brittle and weak. My body literally had a difficult time handling a lot of pressures and physical labor.
It was incredibly difficult for me at the start, but a lot of patience from great mentors and teachers encouraged to keep my chin up. I eventually learned to cope. You just get used to it over time. Gradually, I developed some kind of backbone worthy enough of sticking around in this particular field.
When you work in a kitchen, I can say it has made me into a grittier, stronger person by all means. Without the kitchen, I don’t know where I would be to this day.
So I do tell people with complete truth that cooking saved my life. And it continues to do so. I thought I would have transitioned into the stuff I went to school for years ago, something in the writing field by now, but meh… I do use my writing for other things, so I am somewhat content with this fact for now.
However, everything has an expense that goes far beyond money.
I sacrifice a lot of time, energy and overall willpower just to keep working. Money pays the bills, yes, and this is an important aspect about growing up.
But believe me. I want to do other stuff besides work. I want to see my various projects and ideas through to the end. When I only have X amount of hours of free time during any given week, it’s hard to find the right balance.
Heck, it’s a challenge within itself just to muster up some leftover energy from a grueling day at work, let alone be able to divert the right kind of attention toward what I am trying to develop.
Quite frankly, this all reminds me of my college days.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed my time in college, but I know I didn’t have as fulfilling of an experience as I could have had. And this was largely due to how I had to work. All of the time.
Too much of my damn time was just centered around me going to work. Hell, I spent more time working than I did actually studying and going to class. God forbid I could have just been a student while I was going to school. That is such a novel idea. What a ridiculous notion, right?
But in all seriousness, work consumed my time like a glutton.
I had two main jobs. One at a dining center. The second was at the university’s school paper.
The dining center was where I made the meat of my paycheck. The latter was, of course, what I went to school for as an aspiring journalist.
But yeah, the dining center was just a lot of grunt work, but I liked it to some degree. I served literally thousands of students every shift their meals. I flipped a lot of burgers, made a lot of sandwiches, made pizza and a whole lot more.
It wasn’t a satisfying part-time job or anything like that in terms of respect, though. I got treated like crap in a lot of ways. I was just another cog in the machine. I was replaceable. I worked hard, and no one really acknowledged it.
But I tried. I genuinely tried at that job. It sucked I spent so much time at the dining centers (we moved locations at one point) when I could have done other activities.
I missed out on school events. Football games. Concerts. Various activities.
I didn’t even have much time for friends or anything else.
Granted, my second job at the school paper was at least more fulfilling. I learned a lot of cool things about journalism. It improved my writing and knowledge about the English language. I worked my way up from being a reporter to an editor.
And believe me when I say this. I was a damn good, and I do mean damn good, editor. I used to catch an absurd amount of errors left-and-right when I was at my developmental peak, so I was gearing up to be a great editor for a real newspaper. Or at least, that’s how I planned it.
I thought I was ready to hit the journalism floor running like a seasoned veteran. Of course, things don’t work out as envisioned sometimes. As college ended, the bad stuff started to occur.
This blog was created as a remedy and outlet for said bad stuff, and the rest is ongoing history in the making that tells the story of Nhan and why he continues to keep going.
It was a tough pill to swallow back then, and it’s still a pill I don’t like to swallow now. Looking back at it all, I kind of felt like I gave up too much when I could have eased up a bit to enjoy my college years more.
Maybe less than 20 percent of those four years were spent doing the college stuff I needed to do. I remembered just wanting to take a lot of naps during college. I found random places just to nap because I was so tired. I worked so much, and I definitely didn’t study enough.
The balance was absurdly off. Lopsided. Totally lopsided.
Sure, I had to work. I worked enough to the point where I kept my student loan debt down by a lot. I only have a few thousand to pay off right at this moment because of it, but I ask myself, “Was it worth it?” all of the time as a result.
I worked back then to have money to pay for the things I needed to pay for, but it exhausted me. I was completely envious of the other kids who didn’t have to work.
They could go out and be college students without worries of rent or anything like that.
They could hang out and buy endless amounts of coffee or whatever with no regrets. They had money regardless of not needing to work.
They could concentrate in school. They could socialize. They could live their college lives to the fullest without the weight of work keeping them down.
I don’t like to make excuses about that kind of stuff. I had my own life to live, and I chose to work instead of those things.
It’s the sacrifice.
Now, as I continue to think about my near future, I worry if I am falling into a similar trap. I work and work, but it means I can’t do other stuff as easily when I feel obligated to earn that paycheck to squeak on by instead of moving along at a nice pace.
As I always say nowadays, I survive, but I don’t thrive.
It’s aggravating, but it’s how it is sometimes.
In response to this fact, I have been trying little things to help alleviate some of the monotony. I do try to set aside at least some time to hack away at my ideas and projects.
I have to force myself to be productive. Even if I just pull up a document to type out some designs or drafts, if I keep doing something every day, it will lead to something.
That’s the hope.
But gosh, when rest is required, I can only neglect my body so much before I have to slow down and let my well-being catch up. In a magical world, my body would never grow weary, and I would keep working on my stuff like my inner batteries were always charged.
Nothing would stop me. That’s for sure.
Ugh, at the same time, I do wonder if it’s my own fault I am not more productive. I have known a lot of random people who still manage to accomplish great things while still having their schedules overloaded.
I just think I need to have more gumption to strive for the success I am after, even if my body is telling me to rest up.
“RTN!” – Nhan Fiction