The 54th Deadline: Priorities

There are many times where I wonder if my priorities are in the right place. At all.

It has dawned on me lately that my personal priorities aren’t as concrete as I would like. Evidently, I am scatterbrained in many regards. And with this in mind, I have to be more of an adult and realize what I want, especially in the next stages of this complicated process.

The other day really hit me where it counted. I was cashing my paycheck, and then I just kept thinking about how I was nowhere where I wanted to be in terms of the bank account numbers.

It was a bit depressing to think about for me.

I have worked my tail off for this past year and then some, both physically at work while also trying to sift through my convoluted and unpredictable emotional state.

And what do I have to show for it?

Well, for what it’s worth, I have picked up a lot of independence as an individual. But independence aside, it just seems like everything is further away than I had envisioned. Perhaps I am too caught up in the fantasy of waking up one day, my money problems completely gone and with the freedom to do whatever the heck I want.

Of course, reality always makes its presence known.

Mind you, I am more than aware that I shouldn’t expect to be like well-off at this stage in the game. I have a ways to go. A long way. But still, is it not normal to experience frustrations linked to one’s progress or lack of said progress in general? I certainly think it is normal.

This paycheck-to-paycheck existence is commonplace. Not everyone is meant to be millionaires. Not everyone is going to have nice things.

That’s life. We aren’t equal, and we never shall be, but I believe we all have the power and capabilities of changing our own circumstances through sheer willpower and keeping our eye on the prize.

But again, it’s tough. If anyone can attain that notion of “success,” we’d all be happily married to our soulmates, we’d all drive around in nice vehicles and we’d all have this and that and even more…

I do not hate money or anything. It’s just clear that money is extremely important in more ways than one.

Gosh, if I had more money, I would make sure I had every random expense paid for, I would pay back the people who have helped me through thick and thin, I would use my money to fund my dreams and, above all else, I would use my money to make myself H-A-P-P-Y.

At the end of the day, no matter what number is showing in your bank account, money ultimately should impact one’s general happiness. I make enough money to get by, but I never have enough to, say, go on a nice vacation to another place.

Actually, I have never even lived outside of the state I live in for my whole life. I have only been to two other states my entire life. I have never even been to Canada…

And why? Because of money.
If I had more money, these random urges to explore the world and whatnot could be satisfied. I hate not having the money to buy what I really want to enjoy.

Yes, I work hard. Yes, I work hard enough to set aside some money, no matter how paltry the sum, in my bank account. But to what end? To what end am I doing this for?

Just in case for a rainy day? God forbid I fall back a few steps back when I am just trying to stay on track with minor progress every day.

What are some realistic solutions?

I know I could potentially find a second job or something like that. I know a lot of people who just work and work, and I don’t really want to be like that.

When you work that much to the point where you are 90 percent or even more just working throughout most of the week, that’s not living to me. Obviously, it’s better to be working than not working as someone who has suffered with long-term unemployment before, but still…

I have to draw the line somewhere. I wouldn’t be happy to work a lot and not really be able to make use of that saved money.

I just feel like I am doing, not the bare minimum, but just enough to scrape by, which just aggravates me because I know I should be further along in many respects.

My priorities are not in order. My focus is not where it should be.

I just think I am letting myself down. I have the tools to do what needs to be done, but I am being distracted by stupid crap along the way.

At the end of the day, it isn’t the pursuit of $$$ that keeps me going. Money helps, it’s definitely important, but there are other things in life that need to be prioritized so I don’t become a slave to what’s in my wallet versus what I can achieve as an individual.

Sigh, I wish the happiness I want could magically become more affordable.

“Complete the process.” – Nhan Fiction


2 thoughts on “The 54th Deadline: Priorities

  1. bickersgateblog January 27, 2016 / 8:14 am

    Don’t become slave to the wage! Things will take time. And happiness cannot ultimately be bought. As you quite rightly point out by your tagline, its an evolution rather than a revolution. You will complete the process and yet it will begin all over again.


    • Nhan Fiction January 29, 2016 / 12:39 am

      Regardless, money does make things easier… We will see.


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