The 54th Deadline: Validation

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“Receiving any form of validation should confirm you have done something right.”

I am someone who certainly yearns for the ultimate sense of validation when the time comes. Early on in this personal battle, I had to face a lot of rejection, bouts with doubt and everything else that would be very far from any form of praise. All of that bad stuff definitely hurt my sense of confidence, so these days I strive to seek out to do what is right for me. And if the payoff is for someone to give me the thumbs up of approval, then it is definitely worth the effort.

Obviously, we all would like to get a pat on the head every once in a while, but I do not want meaningless gestures of “good job” for the mere sake of it. I am not that insecure to believe something that delusional would make me content or well-rounded as a person.

At the end of the day, I want to improve myself in many facets. I want to see how awesome I can truly be when I really put my mind to it with 110 percent the willpower. Praise may be praise, but it has to be sincere in my book.

Lately, I think I am starting to see how much I have held back, not only in the past few years, but my whole dang life. I am my own limiter. I am my own handicap. I set the boundaries before me, and my boundaries apparently haven’t been that far from outside the box as a whole.

In this sense, it saddens me. I have hindered myself in many ways. I have prevented myself from receiving the big payoffs if I keep playing it “safe” every single time.

Yes, deep down I want validation for all I have gone through and then some. Who wouldn’t? I have been through a lot of personal hell and back, and I keep cycling and looping into a lot of the same problems like it’s my own déjà vu, my own repeating nightmare of sorts.

To be perfectly honest, there are days where I want to scream as if the world could finally take notice and see how much I have “suffered” for so long.

Still, that’s not what I want to be known for when everything is said and done. I know this much about myself to accept this fact. I do not want to be seen as the mopey me. I want to be triumphant and successful in my next endeavors.

I don’t want a participation trophy or anything of that sort. I want to win a real prize for doing something incredible, something so wonderful that others have to acknowledge it.

I want to be a beacon of hope in a sea of misery where others chihayafuru-12-chihaya-trophy-champion.jpgjust like myself face an everyday battle of sink or swim.

So yes, I want validation.

I want validation that I am a competent, likable and amazing person in my own right.

I want validation that I am capable of overcoming my past so I can ensure I have a great future ahead of me.

I want validation… because I do not want to be doomed with a life of unfulfilled promises and broken dreams.

I want to thrive. I don’t want to survive anymore. I want to thrive like I haven’t thrived before in my entire life.

Universe, validate me. Please!

“Complete the process.” – Nhan Fiction

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2 thoughts on “The 54th Deadline: Validation

  1. bickersgateblog March 27, 2016 / 5:15 am

    And its okay to get a lot of that from yourself – to believe that you can do it to recognise a job well done or another little milestone achieved. As there may not always be someone round every corner to give that validation. Very often people seek validation from those that won’t or are incapable of giving it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nhan Fiction March 27, 2016 / 3:26 pm

      Yeah, I understand. If I can’t approve of the person I am in the mirror, there is no point in seeking validation from others. Ultimately, we all need to be able to validate ourselves in some fashion.

      Liked by 1 person

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