The 54th Deadline: Similar Sadness

“Sadness drains the very¬†sense of joy from you, making life itself feel¬†quite dour.”

This whole day, I was reminded of a similar sadness I knew all too well back then. The very depression-riddled, soul-sucking feelings from five years ago returned. In full force, no less. And just like that, I have felt taxed. Physically, mentally and emotionally. But it has only been just a day.

I had so many random things planned today. Granted, they were just mostly chores like cleaning downstairs and whatnot, but I found myself attempting to “distract” myself from this sadness instead of doing my obligations. I am a lousy, weak person in this regard.

Apparently, the cycle had to repeat itself today. Woe is me, right?

Obviously, no one wants to feel sad. No one should feel sad when they can help it, but sometimes things happen. I don’t know if I really want to vent about what happened in full detail just yet, but it definitely bummed me out. I am saddened that life is starting to back me into another corner again. It’s either be eaten alive or take a stand. I want to go with the latter for the sake of personal growth.

I do not want to be negative for the mere sake of it. Heck, tears are starting to well up in my eyes as I type this out. I guess, for what it’s worth, it’s somewhat of a positive sign. Years ago, I literally couldn’t cry. No matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn’t.

But now, as I have to tell myself not to bawl my eyes out for my own sense of dignity, I have to remind myself to be strong. Chalk this day up as a loss. And leave it that.
Continue reading