The 54th Deadline: Flashback

“Painful memories sting, but to relive them feels like a living nightmare.”

The sadness has not subsided. It has intensified. It feels like I am suffering a flashback, one that is entirely way too real. I had to take a personal day from work. I did not want to go near others in this state. It’s that bad. It has engulfed me by so much already.

I feel like I am spewing negativity, I feel like I will just bring blight to wherever I go and as a consequence I have hidden myself at home all day.

Anti-social thoughts.

Loss of appetite.

Loss of energy.

Loss of motivation.

It is like I have not made any forward progress at all. But I know I have. Still, right here in the now, it feels like my whole world is unraveling before me.

I have been down this road many times before, and I had always thought those awful days were finished. I thought I would never have to go through this all again. I was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

I feel compelled to call someone. I feel compelled to ask someone to console me because God knows I truly need it at this very moment. But I am reluctant. I am hesitant because I feel too guilty about the mere thought of doing such a thing.

It feels like a seed of darkness was planted inside my soul a few days ago, and only now has it all blossomed into its twisted glory. Its influence eats away at me, its effects are slowly ravaging my well-being and I can feel all happening. Every moment of it. It’s like poison.
Continue reading