The 54th Deadline: Tools

“I have been a fool to think I have been missing the necessary tools to make my dreams come true.”

Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.

I have been spewing out more excuses than I can count over the years. Yeah, I have been through my share of tough spots. I have suffered. I have been legitimately pushed to various limits: physically, mentally and emotionally.

I have wanted to cry. I have wanted to hide.

I have been through so much, but I also got through somehow in some shape or form. Perhaps I was lucky, perhaps the universe did in fact throw me a bone or two along the way, but getting over a specific hump and trying to reach that elusive “next stage” has been on my mind.

It just makes me think that I am a fool. I am a fool because I think I have been missing a few tools to make the next jump possible, where building my future entailed so much extra effort and resources.

But here is the thing.

There have been very successful people who have done the impossible with less, so why am I complaining? Why am I trying to chalk up reasons as to why I am not achieving success?

Am I that cowardly? Am I that pathetic?

Yes. And another yes.

I have it all before me. I have everything around me. Every. Single. Thing.

I have every single that I would possibly need.

Now, it is just a matter of doing something with the tools. A great creation cannot be put together unless the creator makes it happen. Nothing can have an end without a beginning.

I have just been so stuck, so cowardly about making all of the good things occur. I talk a big game, but I have yet to pull the trigger with complete intent.

I need to stop being scared. I need to stop letting my life freeze up at every critical moment…

Pent-up Feelings
In other personal news, I think I am on the verge of something major happening.

Major as in…

It could be a breakthrough.

It could be a meltdown.

I don’t think there will be anything in-between for this case.

I can just feel it in my body. I can feel it in my heart and soul.

Deep down, I know something really crucial needs to occur for me to move onto the next stage in life. For far too long, I have been so caught up in just surviving that I forgot to live. I became so trapped inside the idea of living day-to-day that I am not thriving to enjoy what being alive has to offer.

I hate myself for being stupid. I hate myself for being so cautious when I need to be brave.

I want my personal revolution to happen, even if it is just for the sake of me being able to move on…

Into what? I hope it’s good. I really do…

“Hope is my catalyst.” – Nhan Fiction


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