“People who can keep their cool no matter what can persevere through anything.”
As I have grown older, I have realized I have always lacked a lot of composure as a person.
Composure is something I wish I had more of, in abundance, especially when life forced me into a corner and made me rethink everything. The fact is, if I could have composed myself a lot better as my world was falling apart, everything would have certainly played out differently.
More than five years ago, as the effects of long-term unemployment began to sink in, I simply crumbled.
I was living at home with my parents.
I had no job.
My bank account was depleting.
I just played a lot of video games to pass the time, just hoping things would magically change overnight.
In reality, what I really needed was to compose myself. I needed to bring everything back together, evaluate the problems and then deal with them accordingly.
Yeah, I was going through a rough patch. Back then, I attempted to justify it. But whether it was rational or not, I was in a tough spot. I let the crap pile on, even though I had all of the tools to hack away at the base before it all built up any further.
Instead, I was a weak fool. An incompetent, immature and cowardly clown who had no business trying to get his life together if I couldn’t handle the early signs of an emotional meltdown.
My problems grew more and more out of control. It would be a long time before I actually, and I mean genuinely, began to “heal” from the pain and whatnot.
And this was all because of a huge lack of composure on my part.
Just thinking back throughout my life, I wish I could be just a bit cooler here and there. I wouldn’t have had to stumble around, never completely maturing from the social anxiety-riddled kid who was always so shy and hesitant to be bold once and awhile.
I regret that now, but it can’t be helped. That’s all in the past. And the current me has all of the necessary motivation to rewrite the script. I don’t have to let things play out this way if I can at least influence some variables in my life.
For example, anger was something really getting out of control in my life. Continue reading