The 54th Deadline: Slip

“On especially grueling days, I feel as if I am slipping and falling back toward failure.”

I am slipping. And by slipping, I mean I am definitely messing up at the moment. It pains me to admit it, but random things in life have become neglected for whatever reason. As such, I feel that calling attention to some of these problems is necessary.

For instance, let’s talk about money for a second. I got my paycheck last week. I still have not cashed it yet. It is just an errand to me that I know I need to do. And sure, I do not need the money immediately per se, but failing to cash the check as soon as possible to get it out of the way is irresponsible and overly lazy.

But this is just one random case of my neglect. My cat needs to get her shots for rabies soon. She has until the end of the month. I had a whole week to schedule a proper appointment for her, and instead I waited until the last minute. I ended up needing to move the schedule next week.

In this particular case, it is not like my cat is in any harm. She does still have until the end of the month to get her shots. But as an owner, I should be more diligent and on top of things like this for my cat’s well-being.

In just two of these random examples, both of these reflect how “out of it” I have become. This certainly frightens me to no end. Something is terribly wrong with me for me to slip up like this. Something horribly, horribly wrong.

I should not be so hard on myself for such things, but I have to be. I do not really have anyone else at the moment who can fulfill that role of strict supervisor, always looking over my shoulder and nagging me to do this and that. It is all me.

But that is the thing. I have been doing such an awful job in so many ways. I disgust myself. I would scold myself for being so darn unproductive. I have been a mess. I have been feeling… “drained,” for lack of a better term.

Drained of what?


Those dreams necessary to keep the hunger alive?


Who knows?!

All I really can say is, with complete dismay, that I am imploding from within, and I definitely need some damage control before things get out of hand.
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The 54th Deadline: Stability


The 54th Deadline: Whether you love it or hate it, money definitely defines what you can do.

Hi there. I hope the winter season has been going well for you guys. Around here, it’s been a basically low-snow winter because the rain keeps washing it away. I don’t really want to deal with driving in the snow, so I have my fingers crossed any snow comes in limited, manageable quantities.

But yeah, I guess the topic of money has made its way up, and it’s something I can’t keep ignoring. And who can blame me? Money is very important from the start you are born in this world.

After all, money defines what kind of life you will have.

And before we go into the shallow implications of what money can entail, it’s key to realize that money is like a measure of progress, so to speak. My parents are both immigrants who came here from Vietnam to seek a better life. When it came time for them to work minimum wage/low-paying jobs, they took them without a second thought.

It was really hard at the beginning. It was beyond difficult, but my parents managed to stick through it all, and from that they tried (in their eyes) to give my two younger brothers and myself the best lives they could do with what they could earn.

Mind you, I will admit our lives were not luxurious. We didn’t have cable the whole time I was growing up.

We rarely went on real vacations, so this meant no trips to Disneyland or anything of that sort. An idea of a big trip was driving across the state to see grandma. And that was basically it, in a nutshell.

My brothers and I rarely got a lot of cool stuff compared to the other kids. My parents could seldom splurge for toys or even video games outside of a special occasion.

The list goes on, but my family was leaning toward being middle class or maybe even a tier below that, if only a little.

Still, I can say with complete honesty that life wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t fancy or something to brag about, but it was my life. Nothing too spectacular, but it was my life.

In my current state, I have learned a lot about how I am when it comes to managing my funds. In short, I am awful at it.

I really need to budget better, but by that I mean I need to start setting aside my paycheck and paying things accordingly versus just doing it sporadically.

For instance, let’s say I need food in my refrigerator. Instead of making one efficient trip to the grocery store to last me the whole week and then some, I find myself taking frequent trips and spending chunks of $20+ at a time.

Obviously, this isn’t how I should do it. What can I say? I was spoiled at one point when I was falling apart and just trying to figure out life.

When you are living at home rent-free and not having to worry about the grocery bill, you just overlook how much everything really costs to feed your own belly.

Part of it comes from me not having a stove, so I need to buy the microwaveable crap that tastes subpar, but it’s quick and easy. As an aspiring chef, I would rather just try to cook my own meals. I would be able to practice cooking and make food that is enjoyable for my taste buds.

But alas, this is the nature of my standing in life and a gauge of (or lack of, depending on how you look at it) stability.


It’s such an important word for someone like me. A year ago on this same day, I was unemployed and on food stamps.
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The 54th Deadline: Traces of Joy

The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
Over the years, there was one thing I really wanted amid my depression-riddled days as a discouraged individual: independence.

Yup, independence.

Of all things, independence was something I didn’t have to my name. Heck, just even the sense of dignity was hard to come by without independence.

My lack of independence derived from needing to live with my parents after college graduation. That time really put a damper on my confidence. I felt incapable of getting any sort of job to support myself, let alone earn money to put into my bank account.

I lacked motivation. I lacked energy. I ate wrong. I slept too much. Everything accumulated in a bad way over time, so I felt my ability of taking care of myself fade away for quite awhile.

Obviously, we all have to leave the nest at some point. Mom and dad aren’t going to be around forever, and there’s a point where someone like me needed to grow up and be a bonafide adult for once in his life. Alas, it took many years before I was able to achieve some semblance of independence.

Piece-by-piece, I had to rediscover new passions to steer me toward different directions in life.

Fast-forward to now, and I guess you could say I have a lot more independence than I know what to do with in so many ways. Sure, I lack a lot of random necessities such as a vehicle to drive around town in, but the basic framework of independence is there.

I wake up at responsible hours, go to work, buy my own groceries and so forth.anime-girl-shopping-for-christmas-tree-smile-aki-eda

In lots of ways, I am grateful. I am happier because I can take care of myself in some fashion.

For instance, take today as an example.

Because it has been so dang hot at the start of this summer, I have been really needing some kind of reasonable way to stay cool.

Trust me. It gets really hot in the town I am living in, and just having some fans lying around wasn’t doing enough. I had three fans blowing at one point, and they all did zilch when the only thing happening was a constant circulation of hot air in a closed-off area.

So instead of suffering and literally sweating the summer heat, I made a big decision.

It was a big expense, but I had to buy an air conditioner. Because the space I live in lacks proper windows to use a regular air conditioner you attach on the outside, I had to get an inside variation that has the air vented outside like so.

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The 54th Deadline: Meet Mango

The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
Meet Mango. My new cat.


I adopted Mango this past weekend, and it’s safe to say I have become totally attached to this ball of fur.

I named her Mango because of her orange/yellow color and because she is so darn sweet in temperament. She follows me around already, meowing at me to pet and love her. She is by all means the ideal cat for someone like me.

I had to mull over the decision to adopt a cat carefully. I don’t make a lot of extra money per se, but I was willing to bite the bullet on the expenses to bring home a feline friend if I found the right cat.

Mango (originally named Ruby at the shelter) was a cat who was surrendered to the animal shelter because she was one animal too many. My guess is she was part of some kind of animal hoarder, but it’s not like she was dragged to the shelter due to behavioral problems.

She has already had kittens before at some point during her two years of age. She was deemed friendly and approachable at the shelter. There weren’t really a lot of negatives to factor in for her.

I ruled out getting a kitten because you actually have to be there during the initial stages during a kitty’s development to make sure they grow up correctly with the right behavioral habits.

I have to work a lot. I have some bills to pay, and though they are not that much compared to others, it still means I have to put in my share of hours each week to make sure I continue to stay afloat. As a result, it would mean Mango or any other cat I choose to adopt in the future would have to get used to not seeing me at home for extended times.

It’s tough, but it is what it is. It can’t be helped.

At least with an older cat, what you see is what you are more or less going to get when it comes to adoption. Mango had the right kind of personality I was looking for: calm, but at the same time she didn’t raise any red flags like she would rip up my stuff when I am not there.

Mango cried out at me during my shelter visits, and she was kind of enough to approach me and let me hold her. Not to mention, she didn’t look like some kind of troublemaker I had to think twice about leaving home alone for long periods of time, which is something that can’t be avoided in my current situation.

Before I knew it, I had already found myself signing the adoption papers to bring her home for real.

Mango so far has been a real joy to my life. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 94

Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 94’s Topic: Cats.
Lately, part of my life has felt somewhat empty, but empty in the sense that I don’t have something to take care of other than myself.

With this in mind, the idea of me getting a cat in my situation has become more and more intriguing.

It’s starting to become an everyday occurrence I think about having a feline friend again to call my own. Ugh, I really want a kitty or two, but I do worry about the finances. If I were to get a cat, I wouldn’t be cheap about the whole spiel either.

I would want to make sure the cat is thoroughly entertained and is comfortable living at my place. I have two whole floors with a bit of extra room, but I would definitely keep the cat(s) indoors out of fear of something bad happening outside.

Obviously, food is something I have to pay for, along with litter and some other essentials. Not to mention, God forbid, my cat(s) in the near future don’t run into any health problems that would force me to go to the vet.

But otherwise, money aside, I think the companionship of having a cat would far exceed any dollar amount I could ever imagine in my current situation. Heck, there have been plenty of days I felt like having a cat to pet would have made my ordeals seem less daunting, putting my mind at ease. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 81

anime girl with cat——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 81’s Topic: Cats.
As I browse through more pictures of my cats saved on file, the more apparent my true feelings come to the surface. Simply put, I miss my two babies a lot. Tux and Kuro meant a lot to me. They still do. I raised them since they were wee kittens, bonded with them on a personal level between pet and pet owner, which makes some days over here in this new town feel certainly lonely.

Magically, I wish I could just warp the two over here. But it wouldn’t be fair to the family I once lived with, as they are their cats as well. Sure, they didn’t love these two cats as much as me, but I was moving into a precarious and uncertain situation. The family was kicking me out of their home, after all, so I had to make the hard decision of leaving Tux and Kuro behind as a result.

I wasn’t sure if I could take care of my living situation, let alone adequately care for the two cats the way I would want them to be treated. I didn’t know where I was going to live, if I could get a job that paid me enough to afford rent, food and all the other expenses.

Of course, now that the ship has stabilized, I could probably take care of Tux and Kuro just fine. However, it’s not like I can just waltz into the family’s house and demand to have the two cats to take back here. Maybe in time, I will make an effort at formally adopting the two cats, but that family and I haven’t contacted one another for months.

In this regard, things are awkward between us. I have assumed Tux and Kuro have been just fine without me, so I have to trust that they are being loved. That’s all that really matters to me in this regard, honestly. The two cats were quite happy critters before I got kicked out, so I have prayed they have been still content with their lives.

It’s hard at times, but it’s all I can really do at the moment, aside from the alternative …

I could get another cat or two. Completely new ones to raise and love from the start again.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 79

Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 79’s Topic: Patience.
I am by all means a patient person, but there are days I guess I lose this virtue when I feel things aren’t moving as fast as I would like.

This is why this particular thing at the store stood out to me.


It wasn’t expensive or anything, but I do like having “reminders” laid out for me throughout my desk to keep me in check. After all, life is all about realizing that certain things just develop after a duration, and for some people it takes longer than others for it to materialize.

For instance, many years ago, the only thing I kept telling myself that I wanted more than anything else was just this – independence.
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