“I really hope to find the right person to speak with about very important matters.”
Despite being naturally shy, I do think I can be very chatty and quite conversational when it comes to the right topics. However, talking about video games or any other things I consider fun all of the time… In a sense, it’s not a good thing when something very pressing always lurks in the back of my mind, reminding me that I should address the elephant in the room by now.
Pretending it’s not there isn’t going to erase it from existence.
Likewise, I shouldn’t be so afraid of it that I try to avoid it. One can only go around an obstacle so much before there reaches a point where you have to face it directly.
And lately, I think I really want to tackle this problem without any second thoughts. It’s about darn time.
First and foremost, the problem lies squarely with me. I am the problem. I am the source of my own issues. And thus I should determine the logical course of actions in which I slowly unravel the most complex mysteries I have about myself.
Why haven’t I put it all together yet? Why haven’t I made it big just yet?
I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. After all, I had a lot of close calls throughout this personal journey. I forced myself to dig deep to find my way out of a variety of perplexing, yet solvable, puzzles. To me at the time, they were major issues, but that was because I was too weak. I had to get stronger. I had to become tougher.
Still, it always feels like I am just one dialogue away from severing my past. I want to learn from my past, but I don’t want to be so caught up in it all of the dang time. I always feel like I am just one particular dialogue that will completely turn my life around and get me back on track. Continue reading