The 54th Deadline: Remember the Name

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The 54th Deadline: For every success, for every botch, life will always give you many opportunities.
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Once again, I have been faced with another crossroad in my life to determine my next path in this complex and unforgiving journey. This one’s a doozy, to boot.

I haven’t felt quite “right” for a while now. It’s hard to explain without sounding pessimistic, mopey or whatever you want to call it. Basically, I don’t feel like myself.

Certain things don’t appeal to me as much anymore. Certain activities aren’t as fun. Certain interests seem less exciting.

Whether it’s watching anime or playing video games, I just feel like a part of me is out of place from within my very soul. It’s disheartening, for sure, when you feel a bit broken from the inside out. As if a gear is out of place, I seemingly can move on with my day-to-day operations, but something isn’t making me feel, well, happy so to speak.

It sucks. It just really sucks because I want to enjoy life. I want to feel content about my situation. I want to feel like I am making some actual progress toward where I need to be. At the same time, I would be lying to myself if I wasn’t honest upfront about my emotional state.

I wish it were something more obvious. For instance, let’s say I got into an accident and couldn’t walk anymore. Let’s say I would need a wheelchair to get around for the rest of my days. That would be something I could understand at face value. There wouldn’t be anything hidden or mysterious. I would just be handicapped and unable to walk.

But for this particular, and quite ambiguous I have to add, personal problem from within, I just can’t label what it is and be done with it. I just don’t really know what it is, and I am just uncertain if I will ever figure it out soon.

Could it be another bout with depression?

Is it something along this line?

Could it be pent-up rage? Sadness?

I really wish I knew, but this is why I feel prompted to change some elements of what I am all about, at least for the time being.

“Get good. Be better.”

It was a really simple message. You get good at something, then you strive to be better.

And for me, this entailed a lot of random facets. I wanted to get good at cooking for instance, and of course I wanted to elevate my skills toward super chef status.

For a long while, this has been this blog’s motto. However, I felt like I needed to change it to, “Remember the name.”
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 115

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 115’s Topic: The daily journey.
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To me, a journey implies there is some kind of, not necessarily difficulty, but some sort of challenge aspect to warrant the journey tag. Because otherwise, why else would we even label something as a (personal) journey unless there is something noteworthy during the process?

If it were just a straight shot where we went from point A to point B with no hiccups, it wouldn’t be much of anything, now would it?

In fact, I would dare say my own personal JOURNEY has been anything but linear. I have had a lot of twists and turns along the way, forks in the road, decisions to be made and a whole lot more that continue to delay me from reaching my ultimate destination as a person.

At the same time, I am content knowing I am at least making forward progress, though there are times I wonder if I am perhaps going too slow. Continue reading

Restaurant Menu Mastery Part 5

My very first job as a college graduate was working as a dishwasher at a Chinese restaurant called Gordy’s Sichuan Cafe. I only worked Friday nights for a month or so before I even had more than two shifts a week to my name. It took me more than a year and a half to get this job after a very awkward phase in my life, but I am truly thankful destiny dealt this card to me. Last Friday was my last day at the restaurant after working there for about 10 months.

As I finish writing this, I will already be trying to adapt to new surroundings on the other side of the state. But with this post, I have to say, “Thank you for everything,” to everyone I met and worked with at Gordy’s.

Dat restaurant entrance.

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